A Life Beyond Hurt

Daniel: In looking back, I find that hurt and pain has been a consistent quality throughout life. And I also find that I am seen through that hurt. When the people that I have hurt hear my name or see me, they recall that hurt, they see me through that past memory; and I find I tend to do the same thing. When I see that quality, I make a discovery in my life that in doing what I felt I wanted to do, or needed to do, I’ve hurt others, and I’ve been hurt by others. And in simply seeing that, I understand that a life of hurt or pain is not life, and that when this occurs in relationship it’s obviously not relationship; the relationship can’t blossom, we can’t learn anything more. We’re stuck in the idea of hurt, we’re fixed according to the form of hurt. And my yearning is to be free, my need is to be free of it, to step out of this absurdity, this mediocrity of living in hurt all the time, of lashing out and being hit back. I see that it’s not life.

I need to experience something of validity, something of quality — something that is dynamic. There’s no longer room for hurt, there’s no longer room for blame or complaint in your personal existence. At that point, life is a responsibility — a responsibility to be free, to be intense, to be full. And when you have that much concern for the life that you’re living, then you’re introduced to the concern for life in general. If you see that it’s very important that the life you’re living is free — by its very nature must be free — then in providing your own freedom, you’re also concerned about the freedom of the life around you. So when you no longer exist in hurt personally, you’re no longer hurting.

Now, when you’re no longer hurting, what does that mean in relationship to your past; to the people you have hurt, and have been hurt by? My feeling is that in order for that past hurt to continue, it needs to have fuel added to it, it needs another incident and another incident; in fact, the very attempt to undo it may also be a reminder which serves to continue it. So it’s not that I’m caught up in a construct of undoing anything, or doing something; I see at this point that I am not going to participate in continuing any form of behavior; I need to be free of it. That love of freedom, that love of life, is no longer providing continuity to the past hurt. That this past hurt can live on itself without the continuity does not seem possible. The hurt, if it’s a psychological hurt, needs continuity, needs reinforcement, needs fuel added to its fire to continue on as hurt. If in fact a radical change has happened in your life, where you’re no longer able to hurt yourself or those around you, then the past psychological hurts that you have inflicted no longer have the fuel necessary to continue. And when you’re no longer bound by the past, you’re no longer projecting the past into the future, you see. You’re not bound by a past, and you no longer have a dictated or programmed future. Now life is a dynamic.

Michael: For one — but what about the others involved?

Daniel: If life is a dynamic for one, it will not be limited to one. Because the next step in that dynamic quality is relationship, a full, pure, true relationship — not based on any of these psychological prisons, not carrying a psychological burden or support structure; not a relationship based on fear or loneliness, not one of convenience.

So obviously, if none of these things are taking place, one has discovered individual aloneness. This full individual aloneness introduces you to a relationship of aloneness — but aloneness as a connected state, aloneness with the channel open, aloneness in realizing your full individual potential. And then in realizing that potential, you’re introduced to the greater need of full and pure relationship. That relationship is the further introduction to all of life; it is no longer revolving around a personal construct.